rabbit head

it isn't fun. not for the rabbit. don't do this with your rabbit. ever. it doesn't want to be there. it shouldn't be there. it's terrified, you just can't tell through the eternal cuteness.

children's play pills

chugging vinegar

i hope this is just some translation error. who in their right mind wants to throw back a pack of vinegar. i don't care what flavor it is, i can't get myself into a headspace where this is desirable. then to go so far as to say it they "quench your thirst" and "refreshing taste" is is really just going too far.

stoned mr.pickle

oh mr.pickle, i only just noticed how unbelievably trashed you actually look. in fact, you look very lindsay lohan-ish. you got your sad, droopy eyes from the drugs and partying. your all-to-obvious fake smile hinting at the underpinnings of mental instability. your waif-like limbs that defy what we actually think as functional. trying to maintain some sense of sexuality by gayly jutting your ass out for some lame attempt at desirability. and stooping to menial labor just to get by because you've lost all relevancy in hollywood and are no longer sought after to act in movies ever again unless it means a high amount of time on-screen without your clothes, on you ginger mongrel. 

u're lame

so now texting speak has left cell phones. not in a cheeky, taking the piss out of it way either, which would have been acceptable. no, this is a business thinking they are hip by doing what the kids do so they'll want to come to us.

blown over

you'd think that a company like this property holder would know to secure their displays. not only from vandalism, but the wind that swept the area this afternoon. i think it looks better this way.

dude punching bag

i think the weird anthropomorphic punching bag that i want to hit would be smiling. because then it would be like he's taunting you and that would be motivating.

wu-tang deer

people were nice to give the deer a heart, a wu-heart.

nighty night at the bank

have banks ever considered making their bank machine vestibules hobo hospices? it's good PR play. i mean they'd have to invest heavily in deodorizing every morning, but there's tradeoffs with everything.

a numbers game

somewhere in there is the secret to life. start at it for a couple of hours, you'll see it.

lost gloves

where art the hands that belong to these gloves? for shame they should be apart. 

rickety steel deathtrap

these pop-up amusement parks in parking lots of malls should be nicknamed 'sketch cities.' i have zero trust in any device designed to spin you around at high speeds that is not permanently affixed to the ground. 

the blue of the bruise

tis a beauty she is. new pickguard i ordered for my fender stratocaster that will hearby be named 'the bruise' as it is this blue on a black body.

lying scale

no, it's not just some bitter overweighter who put this out. it actually lies. it skims like 30 pounds off your weight. supposed to be a clever rep piece of graft. really, it's just a clever waste of resources.

puke perry posing

at what point did luke perry, the photographer, anyone else in the near vacinity at the shoot and the poster making people really convince themselves that this was a anything but the most loserly pose possible and see it fit to print?

dunce (lawn) chair

it is really better than one on your own lawn.

eagle staff

here's another item to add to the list of things you think are cool when drunk but really aren't, but you still pretend are afterwards anyway. buying a poorly carved and painted walking stick from a convenience store that you have to take to a dance club. then giving it a portuguesse name, though that is the moment of clarity.

mama bear

i think it's supposed to be mother and cub, but it looks more like getting-protective-of-it's-hunt bear and soon-to-be-eaten seal. 

the rest of the story

good job here appealing to the c&e crowd. that's christmas and easter for you laypeople. almost the ole bait 'n switch. get em with the good and get them in on the boring. and could that possibly be the reverend's real name? quackenbush? that's made up for sure. maybe the pentecostals are the jokey christianity.

got a signal?

i look in the windows of this house and picture a guy sitting down to watch tv. he casually flips through the channels (in this case, like 5) and when he finds what he wants, gets back up and goes to the manual dial and gives it a turn until he finds it the least fuzzy. maybe at night he can pick up that new york station. so exciting.

rock veins

freaks of tomato nature

sweet baby jesus, is that a tomato? whoever saw such a thing? it's hideous. it's like the barry bonds of tomatoes.

mesh survival kit

as a presenter at mesh conference, i received this special survival kit. quite a clever little grab bag, personally addressed. everything a conferencer could need to get through (i make no insinuations on the condom in this regard). gum to respect your fellow conferencers and panelists and just to share (that's what mesh is all about - in part). a tide pen of sorts in case your lunch is on your shirt and you have to go in front of people. and a t-shirt to show your support.

the amazing surface

everyone know the microsoft surface? you probably have in some video or other. i had the pleasure of seeing it in person and interacting with it. yes, be envious, because it is every bit as awesome as you think and see. i'm not going to write all the technical stuff they talked about, which is amazing tech in itself, just how great a paradigm shifting this is. 

couple extra balls

no, this isn't a tigers player lazily playing a grounder into left field. this is a tigers player retrieving a ball that was thrown at him, one of many amongst other assorted detritus that brought the game to a halt. poor guy, all he did was make an absolutely terrible throw to home plate on a shallow pop fly that the runner on third had no business in taking home plate. as a result, the jays scored a run on what could have been a preventable run. yes, we have a duty as fans to ride that player for his pathetic attempts. we don't have a right to throw things at him and jeopardize a win for the jays who potentially could have forfeited an otherwise great game because of the fans. it was despicable. toronto is better than that.

fat fairy

boy, the tooth fairy really porked up. maybe her job's getting to her. i don't know how her little fairy wings can keep her afloat. how does she get her big sausage fingers under kids pillows without them knowing?

parked congestion

this is a brand new subdivision built without the foresight to include any street room. first of all, they didn't give residents any driveway, which leads to people having to park on the street if more than one guest shows up. that leads to a situaion where no more than one lane of trafic can go through and no where for the oncoming cars to go. idiotic.

guest post: bat vespa

when you leave your camera unattended on your desk, others may come in and take pictures of the toys on your shelf, sometimes in uncompromising positions. for instance, batman would never consider a vespa as a vehicle with which he would fight crime.

happy place

not much of a happy place. certainly not mine. i like this because that cement block beside the sign actually looks like an unhappy basic little robot who's outlived his usefulness, has been replaced by a superior model and knows he is just scrap metal. not a happy place.

serotonin

odd graffiti. not your typical 'tag' as they call it in the hood (i was there, i know). not sure the message here. although, credit to the artist (if you want to call them that) for actually getting the chemical compound of serotonin correct and sharing it with us all. as wikipedia defines it: "serotonin plays an important role as a neurotransmitter in the modulation of anger, aggression, body temperature, mood, sleep, human sexuality, appetite, and metabolism, as well as stimulating vomiting." so are they trying to say we all need to go on anti-depressants (serotonin being an ingedient), that a serotonin bomb should be made and dropped to calm the masses, or is it the latest craze in getting high?